You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
