At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
