ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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