y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
