I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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