i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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