Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
