i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize