I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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