I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
