I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
