The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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