Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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