when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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