Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
