i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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