You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
