just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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