you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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