there was a trapeze. enough said
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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