Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize