I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
