i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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