Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
