Got a toothbrush?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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