Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
