you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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