My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
someone owes me an orgasm
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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