There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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