It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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