There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
well you can't waste a boner
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
