i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why didn't you poke me back
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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