This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
