so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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