Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
