He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
