Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
