just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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