I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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