but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
