ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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