I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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