i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
