why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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