make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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