I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
