piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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