You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
