I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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