pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
