my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
