An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
