I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
