I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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