You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
