Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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