If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize