Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
