i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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