I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
