trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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