i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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