is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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