sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
