she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
