I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
