Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
