Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
